When Your Client Doesn't Know Where to Go

This newsletter is inspired by Empower World's Coaching and Leadership Podcast conversation between Jeanine Bailey and Marie Quigley, Co-founders of Empower World: Episode 262 - "When Your Client Wanders - Is It Them or Is It You?"

Have you ever been coaching someone who begins sharing their story and moves from one thought to another without really knowing where they want to go? Or they show up and don't know what to focus on specifically?

You may have explained what coaching is, agreed on how you'll work together and perhaps asked them to prepare for each session, and when they appear uncertain, it can be tempting to think they are not ready for coaching or they really don't understand it.

Knowing intellectually what coaching is and knowing how to be coached are two very different things. Coaching can be unlike almost any other professional conversation, particularly for someone new to the experience.

The coaching partner may be accustomed to someone else setting the agenda, providing advice or offering solutions. Suddenly, they are being asked to determine what matters, explore their thinking and find their own way forward. That can be liberating, and it can also feel uncomfortable and like a whole new way of exploring their world for them.

Being client-led doesn't mean being passive

As coaches, our role is not to take charge of the client's thinking. It is, however, our responsibility to hold the coaching process. The client chooses where they want to go; we create enough structure, safety and partnership to enable them to explore.

Sometimes, that means noticing when a client appears to be drifting and gently checking in: “We've explored a few different things. Where would it be most useful to focus now?” Or perhaps, “I'm noticing some uncertainty about where you want to explore; what's happening for you right now?”

This isn't about directing the client. It's about creating a pause in which they can notice where they are in the present moment. It's also an opportunity to make a conscious choice about where they want to go next.

This is also the time for the coach to listen beyond their words as we may experience our partner 'drifting' or bringing in a sense of being 'lost'. This potential change in energy, pace, tone or body language may tell us that something has shifted for our partner.

We don't need or want to interpret what that shift means as a coach, and we can offer what we've noticed and invite the client to make meaning from it: “I noticed your energy has shifted since we started, what are you becoming aware of?”

Safety doesn't end with contracting

We may have agreed at the beginning of the relationship that the client will tell us if they feel lost or if something isn't working. Yet when someone is immersed in their thinking, they may forget that agreement. Even a highly experienced leader can find it difficult to admit, “I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here.”

When you notice a shift in the way someone is showing up, check in by reflecting what you have sensed and asking where they are in their awareness at that moment. This can support them to acknowledge courageously that they may feel lost in the process or uncertain about where they are heading. The coach can then use thoughtful questioning to help them identify what is most important to explore next.

Creating safety is therefore an ongoing process. We continue to notice, check in and partner with our client throughout the conversation. We hold the framework lightly while remaining willing to adapt when the client's needs change.

And sometimes the most important clue isn't coming from the partner at all. It's coming from us. If we finish a session frustrated because the client went around in circles, couldn't get clear or didn't seem to “get” coaching, it can be valuable to turn our attention inward, rather than assuming the difficulty belongs to them. It's potentially the way we are being and doing that creates the partner's experiences. We might reflect on:

• What was happening in me during that conversation?
• What did I notice but choose not to explore?
• What assumptions did I make about what my coaching partner understood?
• What could I do differently next time to create more clarity or create a safer container to work within?

This is where reflective practice and coaching supervision become such important parts of our ongoing development. Our credentials don't mean that every conversation will automatically reflect our best coaching. Some coaching partners and situations will reveal edges in our practice that we might otherwise never see.

Hold the process. Trust the coaching partner.

The partner is responsible for their thinking, choices, insights and actions. The coach is responsible for creating and holding a process that enables that exploration to happen.

We don't need to know the destination, provide the answer or rescue the person from uncertainty. But neither do we need to sit silently when we sense they are lost. We can notice, check in, reflect and invite them to choose, and then trust them with what emerges.

Perhaps that's one of the subtle distinctions between simply giving a partner space and creating a truly powerful coaching partnership to explore beyond the words aligned with the power of the coaching process.

How do you recognise when your partner needs you to assist them reconnect with the coaching process?

Be Empowered

www.empower-world.com

If this reflection resonates with you, you may enjoy listening to the full conversation on the Empower World Coaching and Leadership Podcast with Jeanine Bailey and Marie Quigley, Co-Founders of Empower World. You can listen to the full episode here:

YouTube: https://go.empower-world.com/YT-Podcast-EP-262

Direct Link: https://go.empower-world.com/Podcast-EP-262

Spotify: https://go.empower-world.com/SP-Podcast-EP-262

iTunes: https://go.empower-world.com/IT-Podcast-EP-262

As always, we would love to hear what resonates most with you. What helps you move from sharing knowledge to inviting meaningful transformation?

Upcoming Empower World Events and Programmes

Empower World's world-class ICF-Approved Professional Coach Training and Leadership Programme for Level 1 starts on 02 October 2026. You can find out more here.

Coaching Skills Mentoring Programme with an MCC mentor for ICF credentialing purposes, starting 18 September 2026. Find out more about how you can step into masterful coaching here.

The Reignite Coaching Community supports coaches to rebuild confidence, reconnect with their purpose, and return to coaching with clarity and momentum. Through practical resources, peer coaching, expert-led sessions, and a vibrant community, you gain the experience and growth, together with encouragement and feedback to enhance your skills, pursue credentials, and create a thriving, sustainable practice - no matter where you are on your coaching journey, from beginner to highly experienced. Find out more here.

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