Standing Under Reality: The Transformative Power of Truly Seeing Others

An Empower World newsletter article inspired by our conversation with Sunni Smith, Coach and Supervisor on the Empower World Coaching and Leadership Podcast

In an increasingly fast-paced and complex world, many leaders and coaches find themselves surrounded by constant communication yet longing for meaningful connection. Conversations happen quickly, decisions are made rapidly, and interactions often skim the surface of what might be the deeper, more complex challenges and opportunities.

While people believe they are engaging effectively, something essential is frequently missing: the ability to truly see one another beyond roles, responsibilities, and habitual patterns of doing. This quiet disconnect can create significant challenges for individuals and teams.

People and teams may misinterpret each other’s intentions. Leaders may rely on assumptions that can erode clarity and trust. Coaches can inadvertently focus on doing rather than being, and in the process miss the deeper wisdom that emerges from presence. It is within this space - between performing and truly relating - that many modern leadership dilemmas take root.

Standing Under Reality: A Different Way of Seeing

Sunni Smith, a skilled coach, supervisor and consultant, offers a profound antidote. Transformation begins, she says, when we learn to stand under someone’s reality. She  expresses this by saying, “To understand means to stand under someone else’s reality.” This one sentence invites a sense of lightness about what becomes possible when we meet one another with genuine curiosity.

Sunni highlights how easily we lose our grounding in our being - the part of us that is authentic, wise, curious and open to new perspectives. Our cultures, and often our workplaces, are built on speed, output and productivity. These values can overshadow presence, listening and reflective awareness - the very qualities that enable people to flourish.

As Sunni shared: “We are not human doers… we (generally) spend more time doing than being, but the wisdom is in the being.” These words remind us that slowing down is not a luxury; it is a gateway to clarity, to connection and to more skilful action.

One of Sunni’s most powerful teaching tools is the umbrella exercise, a simple practice that reveals profound truths about how we relate to others. A person holds an umbrella and shares a personal truth - something that is real for them in that moment. Anyone in the room who can “stand under” that truth, without needing to agree or adopt it, steps underneath the umbrella alongside them.

Sunni says, “It doesn’t mean you adopt their truth… it just means you’re open enough to stand under that person’s reality.” And this builds emotional safety, inviting leaders to consider perspectives they might never have explored. 

The umbrella becomes a metaphorical and literal shelter. It is a place where different truths can coexist without conflict. It turns understanding into something people experience, not merely discuss.

The Art of Truly Seeing Another Human Being

In the heart of this practice lies another of Sunni’s reflections, drawn from artist Robert Irwin: “To really see someone is to see them without knowing their name.” Names, titles, roles, histories can stop us from noticing the living, breathing person in front of us: their fears, their hopes, their strengths and their humanity. 

To see someone beyond their name is to step into a wider field of awareness where empathy, possibility and relationship deepen. This kind of seeing requires humility. It asks us to suspend certainty, loosen the grip of our own narratives and listen for what might be emerging beneath the words. It invites a deeper presence, a willingness to explore - not just what is being said - but what is alive in the space between people.

At Empower World, Sunni’s message resonates deeply with our philosophy of coaching and leadership. When leaders and coaches strengthen their capacity to stand under someone’s reality, conversations become more meaningful, relationships grow more trusting and teams begin to operate with a stronger sense of cohesion and shared purpose.

'Standing under an umbrella together' can spark laughter or tears. It can open the heart or open a question. It can be a reminder that connection does not have to be complicated: it simply requires openness and willingness.

This is what we believe coaching and leadership is: a relational, courageous and deeply human practice. When we truly see others - beyond their name and our assumptions - transformation becomes not only possible, but inevitable. And we rediscover that the most powerful shifts often begin with the simplest acts of presence.

Reflective questions to ponder for yourself and your practice

• Where in your leadership or coaching practice are you interacting with others but not fully seeing them?
• What assumptions or labels might you be holding that prevent you from standing under someone else’s reality?
• Who might you choose to truly see today, beyond their name, role or history?
• Who are you - beyond your titles? 
• Who do you choose to be when you are in the presence of another - as a leader, coach... a human being?

And so, the umbrella becomes more than a tool. It becomes a symbol of relational courage. A reminder that we can step toward each other, not away. That our differences are not storms to avoid, but whether we can stand beneath the umbrella together. When we truly see others, we create the conditions for transformation: profound and beautifully human.

Be Empowered 

www.empower-world.com

To listen to the Podcast Episode 243, "Beyond Doing: The Power of Truly Seeing, Hearing and Experiencing People, with Jeanine Bailey and Podcast guest DeBorah “Sunni” Smith, click here.

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