Entering Your Client’s World: The Secret to Deeper Connection

We live in a world where we often assume reality is what we are experiencing. Yet the truth is: each of us is only ever encountering our own unique 'map' of the world around us. This distinction is captured in the well-known phrase: “the map is not the territory.”

Our 'map' consists of our beliefs, values, past experiences, culture, energy, environment, and personal meaning-making. And the 'territory' is the reality itself: the facts, events, the things that happen outside of us.

Two people can stand in the same place, witness the same event, and walk away with entirely different stories. As coaches and leaders, recognising this difference is essential if we want to support our clients to unlock awareness and support meaningful change.

As Joe Pane, coach and Extended DISC (human behavioural assessment) expert explains: “Our map is our model of the world. It’s our personal mindset. It’s the way we see things, subjectively driven by unique filters like beliefs, values, and experiences. And then you have the territory, which are the facts."

Joe shares that we can connect meaningfully with people when we can enter or understand their model of the world: how they experience it so that we can appreciate how they communicate and process information.

These filters - of which there are hundreds - shape how we interpret every conversation, situation, and decision. As Joe says, a simple word like “intense” might mean “focused” to one person and “hard” to another. Without recognising this, miscommunication and misunderstandings are inevitable.

Joe illustrates this specifically: “Imagine one person says, ‘I had a really intense day today.’ If in their map ‘intense’ means 'focused', it is potentially a positive experience for them. And if the other person’s map says ‘intense’ means 'hard', this could mean a difficult experience. One word. Two different maps. Two completely different interpretations.”

Now imagine this not just with a single word, but across entire conversations, relationships, and systems. It becomes clear why “the map is not the territory” matters in relation to communication and mutual understanding.

Why This Matters in Coaching

As coaches, our clients arrive with their personal 'maps' - often unconscious, and often unexamined. Our role is not to impose our own interpretations, but to assist clients in uncovering and exploring their own understanding of the world.

“All of our models of the world are extremely unique, made up of multiple complex layers of filters," Joe highlights. This means listening not just to the words being spoken, but to what those words mean for that person, holding back from assumptions, and asking powerful, curious questions that support a client to step back and examine their own thinking.

It also means being mindful of our own 'maps' as coaches. The risk is that we unconsciously project these onto our clients. By remembering that our map is also not the territory, we remain humble and open, creating a space where the client’s truth can emerge.

The Role of Curiosity

Instead of assuming that a behaviour or statement has the same significance it might have for us, we pause and invite the client to share their meaning. Often, clients themselves are not aware of the 'maps' they are carrying: the unconscious beliefs, stories, and filters that shape their choices.

By slowing down, reflecting back, and asking open questions, we support clients to create a greater understanding of their own awareness and their worldview more clearly, and even redraw them in ways that better serve their goals and values.

Beyond Assumptions

Why is this so important to challenge assumptions? Assumptions block connection, new ideas, thoughts, experiences, and so much more. They can lead to distance instead of trust and connection.

When we assume others see things the way we do, we miss opportunities to truly hear them, to understand what motivates them, and to build bridges across differences.

For coaches, this means:

• Checking our assumptions at the door.
• Listening for meaning, not just content.
• Inviting the client to explain, elaborate, and reflect.
• Remembering that there are as many maps as there are people in the room.

Flexibility and Growth

Joe shares that when people confuse maps with territory, they can potentially pigeonhole themselves and others. If we believe our map is “the truth,” we lock ourselves - and others - into 'narrow boxes'.

By contrast, when we see 'maps' as interpretations, we open the door to flexibility, learning, and growth.

As coaches, this gives us a powerful lens. We can support clients see that their current way of viewing a situation is not the reality, but one of many possible maps. And when a client recognises this, they often discover new choices, perspectives, and paths forward.

Reflective Questions to Explore

Here are some reflective questions that coaches can use to explore the principle “the map is not the territory”:

1. Where might I be unconsciously assuming that my client sees the world the same way I do?
2. In what ways might my own 'map' be influencing the questions I’m asking or the direction I’m steering?
3. What becomes possible when I step fully into my client’s world, instead of staying on my own?

Closing Reflection

At first glance, “the map is not the territory” reminds us that no one sees reality as it is: we only ever see it as we are.

For coaches, this awareness is vital. It keeps us grounded in curiosity, compassion, and humility. It invites us to support our clients in exploring their own 'maps'.

And perhaps most importantly, it reminds us of the heart of coaching: meeting another human being in their own unique world, and walking with them as they discover new possibilities.

'The map is not the territory', but when we honour each person’s 'map', transformation becomes possible.

Be Empowered

www.empower-world.com

To listen to the Podcast 'The Map Is Not the Territory: Enter Your Client’s World with Extended DISC' with Jeanine Bailey and Joe Pane, click here.

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