Embracing Coaching Competencies and the Pitfalls of Self-Made Rigid Coaching Rules

When embarking on the journey of becoming a coach, it's common to feel the need to establish rules and guidelines to ensure you are coaching versus mentoring, consulting, guiding or advising. These self-imposed rules can stem from a desire for structure, professionalism, or the pressure to conform to traditional coaching models. However, while some structure is beneficial, overly rigid rules can hinder creativity, presence, and the development of a unique and successful coaching practice.

The Desire for Structure

Novice coaches - and some not so novice coaches - often look to established frameworks, methodologies and/or tools to guide their practice. This is understandable; after all, when we appreciate there is so much to unlearn, learn and relearn - coaching can feel daunting. The rules we create for ourselves — such as strict adherence to specific questioning techniques, rigid session formats, or a focus on measurable outcomes — are often intended to ensure effectiveness and professionalism.

However, we know that as human beings, we can misinterpret, misunderstand, mishear or not hear in our training and development as a coach, how we can ‘dance’ with our clients in relation to what they bring into the session when we are truly present with them. And when we are present to what the client shares or how they are being in the moment, there is an opportunity to be adaptable, creative and in flow with our client: observing, reflecting back and asking questions with curiosity to support the outcome of the client's session.

The Downside of Self-Imposed Rigid Rules

There are rules that serve and support us as coaches and the profession of coaching, and there are self-imposed rules that can also lead to challenges. Some of those pitfalls include:

1. Stifling Creativity.

Masterful coaching is inherently a dynamic and adaptive process. When we box ourselves into predefined rules and strict structures, we limit our ability to be creative and respond authentically to client's needs and desires. Every client is unique, and flexibility allows for an experience that can foster deeper outcomes and connections.

2. Lack of Presence.

Being present is the foundation for powerful coaching and involves being fully engaged with the client and listening to what is said and not being said. When we’re preoccupied with following our own rules, we may miss subtle cues or insights from our clients, detracting from the richness of what the client presents for exploration.

3. Barrier to Authenticity.

Developing our coaching style is an essential part of the learning process. Rigid rules can lead to the impersonation of established coaches rather than embracing our individual voices and ways of being and coaching. Authenticity fosters trust and rapport, which is crucial for effective coaching.

4. Inhibiting Growth.

The journey of becoming a coach is filled with opportunities for growth and self-discovery. By clinging too tightly to rules, we might avoid exploring new ideas, methodologies, or practices which can enhance our skills and enrich our coaching practice.

Finding Balance

To cultivate a successful coaching practice, it’s important to find a balance between structure and flexibility. Here are some ideas to consider incorporating into your practice:

1. Stay Curious, Question and Experiment.

Embrace a mindset of curiosity and exploration and allow yourself to experiment with different approaches and techniques, integrating what resonates with your style and your clients. Be mindful, curious and ask questions about what works and doesn’t work, and if things aren't working, get curious to identify what you can let go of and/or do differently. Also, get curious about what does work and how you can do it even better.

2. Prioritize Presence.

Focus on being fully present during coaching sessions. This involves actively listening, being aware of your client’s non-verbal cues, and responding in the moment rather than following a scripted approach.

3. Reflect and Adapt.

Regularly reflect on your coaching experiences: what worked well and what could be better. Use these insights to adapt your approach, allowing for growth and evolution in your practice. Seek regular mentoring and coaching super-vision to support your skill development and who you are ‘being’ as a coach. Supervision is a highly effective way (and investment in self) to incorporate a powerful self-reflective process in your coaching practice.

4. ‘Embrace The Fertile Void’ - a term used by coach John Leary-Joyce

When we 'embrace the fertile void' between ourselves and our clients, or our client’s not knowing and their wisdom, it’s a wonderful opportunity to let new unconscious awareness for our clients to unfold and emerge: ideas, insights, thoughts, aha’s! In this space, we can support our clients in this process by being fully present, actively listening, reflecting back what we are noticing, and asking questions based on what the client presents in the moment.

5. Embody the Competencies of Coaching

By being intimate with the core competencies of coaching, masterful coaching occurs when we embody them deeply and fully. Some of the ways we can do this are by getting feedback, learning from experienced coaches, as well as investing in peer groups, training, mentoring and supervision.

6. Engage in Community

Connecting with other coaches can provide support and inspiration. Sharing experiences and challenges can help normalise the uncertainties of the coaching journey and encourage a more flexible mindset.

While establishing rules can provide a sense of direction as we learn to coach, it's essential to remain open to the fluid nature of coaching. By letting go of rigid self-imposed constraints, and embodying coaching competencies and skills, we can cultivate a practice that is both authentic and effective.

This can support us to truly serve our clients and foster our own development as a coach. Embracing flexibility not only enriches our coaching relationships but also allows our unique voice - and our client’s voice - to shine through, paving the way for a fulfilling coaching practice.

Find out more in our podcast episode 213 'Rules We Make Up Which Can Hold Us Back' here.

Be empowered.

Jeanine and Marie Empower World Co-founders

Find out about our upcoming Coach Mentoring Programme starting on 22 November 2024 here.

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