The Importance of Establishing Ways of Working in Relationships

Have you ever had an important relationship turn sour because of a break-down in communication?
Have you ever lost the trust of someone simply because of a cultural misstep or because of unaligned expectations?

Trust is delicate. It can take a long time to build and, once broken, can be hard to mend. That is why we always begin our training sessions with students and our coaching sessions with clients by discussing what we call the “ways of working” or WOW for short.

Ways of working are ground rules or rules of engagement. They help set the expectation for a new relationship and aid in establishing and keeping trust.

Within the coaching relationship, especially the ways of working, it is all about setting the groundwork for success and ensuring the coaching relationship is as productive as possible. Trust is essential with a client if you are going to support them to dig deep and deal with what is holding them back from achieving their goals.

In the corporate working world, setting the ways of working with your staff or with a group of people you will be interacting with is a great way to establish and set the tone for the importance of the working relationship right from the start.

How do we implement Ways of Working?

You might be asking yourself how do you set up the rules of engagement. What are some questions you can ask and what are issues you can address at the beginning of setting up a coaching or working or any type of relationship? Below are six key elements to be aware of in setting your ways of working.

Security: 

We want to make sure our clients are comfortable and feel safe first and foremost. So asking them questions such as, “How would you like me to support you during moments when you are feeling vulnerable? What will help make our relationship successful? What would you like to hear from me? How will I know if you are not learning?

Differences:

People have different values and ways of approaching topics and emotions across cultures, countries, regions, communities and families which affect the way we interpret actions and the things which are said. One such example of this is how different cultures view time. Generally, in the English culture, arriving on time to appointments is a sign of respect and is very important. In some other cultures, arriving late to an appointment is normal and isn’t taken as a lack of respect. So opening up a conversation with your client about these types of aspects and setting expectations at the beginning through creating ways of working can support trust and deepen client bonds.

Flexibility:

Different relationships will call for different questions and discussions. If you are coaching a client through some grief or recent trauma, for instance, you want to make sure you discuss with them what they would like you to do when they get emotional. With a corporate client, perhaps establishing ground rules around not being distracted and having a phone free environment will be particularly important.

Interact:

Open it up as a conversation, get everyone involved so they understand and participate. These ground rules are for everyone to create and agree upon with a mutual understanding of what they mean.

Ask those involved for permission to bring in a way of working. Ask them questions to identify what needs to be in place as a way of working from their perspective. Establish a dialogue. Share and ask them what is required in the rules of engagement.

For example, if someone asks for trust; ask them what does this look, sound and feel like for them with the view of sharing what it means for you.

Boundaries:

If you are a coach who is time bound, how will you close out a session so that it finishes as scheduled while still respecting the client if they are in the middle of recounting a story or dealing with a difficult subject? What will you do if the client is late or doesn't show up? During the ways of working discussion, by sharing how you work and what’s important to you will also support your client to determine what boundaries are important to them. Together you can create effective boundaries so that everyone feels seen and respected.

Live and Learn:

As you grow in your abilities and experience as a coach and as a leader, you will encounter enough situations where you will know what to cover during the ways of working conversations to build a partnership and support the foundation of success. It is completely OK, and in fact, necessary to change and adapt these questions as you go along.

Remember; a client or co-worker might be feeling fear or apprehension in the beginning of a relationship, so these questions help them move into a more logical, trusting space so together you can delve deeper and create great outcomes. A WOW conversation will build a foundation of trust from the start and support your clients and co-workers to achieve success.
 
Be empowered.

To learn more, listen to the Empower World Coaching and Leadership Podcast, Episode 110 here.

Episode-110 can be found here: 

Direct link: http://bit.ly/2O3SNA5
#itunes: http://bit.ly/EW-Podcast-iTune
‪#stitcher: http://bit.ly/podcast-episode-110