Why Letting Go Of Perfectionism Is Key To Fulfillment
Aug 29, 2019
Many people view perfectionism as a strength. We are often conditioned to think we need to get things right without failure or errors - and then we will be worthy or appreciated or accepted by others for the value we create and deliver in the world.
But in reality, the pursuit of perfectionism could hold us back and get in the way of achieving what we truly want. Below are a number of reasons to support letting go of doing things 'perfectly.'
Perfectionism can lead to delays and regret
When we strive for the right outcomes before we even begin, we might never get started. For instance, a new coach might be hesitant to start working with clients because they believe they’re not good enough yet, or prepared or ready. Or an artist or creative person might defer releasing their work while they continue to make what they think are improvements.
This quest for perfection often leads to deadlines being missed, work not getting completed and/or major delays. And this interferes with the achievement of our goals, as well as our success and fulfilment.
Perfectionism exists only in our head
Perfectionism is based on perception and is uniquely different in everybody’s mind’s eye. This is because everything can be seen by people through endless, various perspectives - and can also be changed, tweaked and modified.
Our own standards of what is good enough can be very different to someone else’s. And those standards in our own and in someone else's mind can keep changing as the goal posts for what is believed is right can also keep moving in our heads. And If we continue seeking this elusive perfection, we waste time and hold ourselves back from what we want to achieve.
Perfectionism is the fear of being judged – and made up in our minds
The driver of perfectionism is usually the fear of being judged. Perhaps we worry others judge us and therefore we are not worthy. Or maybe we believe we are not good enough. And we might be making up those beliefs we hold about ourselves and what others think based on what we are creating or doing - which are very highly likely not true.
But in reality, the pursuit of perfectionism could hold us back and get in the way of achieving what we truly want. Below are a number of reasons to support letting go of doing things 'perfectly.'
Perfectionism can lead to delays and regret
When we strive for the right outcomes before we even begin, we might never get started. For instance, a new coach might be hesitant to start working with clients because they believe they’re not good enough yet, or prepared or ready. Or an artist or creative person might defer releasing their work while they continue to make what they think are improvements.
This quest for perfection often leads to deadlines being missed, work not getting completed and/or major delays. And this interferes with the achievement of our goals, as well as our success and fulfilment.
Perfectionism exists only in our head
Perfectionism is based on perception and is uniquely different in everybody’s mind’s eye. This is because everything can be seen by people through endless, various perspectives - and can also be changed, tweaked and modified.
Our own standards of what is good enough can be very different to someone else’s. And those standards in our own and in someone else's mind can keep changing as the goal posts for what is believed is right can also keep moving in our heads. And If we continue seeking this elusive perfection, we waste time and hold ourselves back from what we want to achieve.
Perfectionism is the fear of being judged – and made up in our minds
The driver of perfectionism is usually the fear of being judged. Perhaps we worry others judge us and therefore we are not worthy. Or maybe we believe we are not good enough. And we might be making up those beliefs we hold about ourselves and what others think based on what we are creating or doing - which are very highly likely not true.
The fear of being judged prevents us from putting our very own gift out into the world. At Empower World, we believe we all have something unique to bring into this world which is needed or wanted - and to not put it out there means the world misses out on our gift.
Letting go of getting things perfect
Empower World’s Business Manager, Arslan Athar, is a great example of how letting go of perfectionism can be empowering. He is a song-writer and performer, but had let his quest for perfection hold him back.
Arslan says, “Whenever I created a piece of music, I recorded a song, people would tell me that it sounds good, but I was never happy myself. I always found things to improve in it. And I always thought that I needed to improve myself.’ And those thoughts prevented him from releasing his music and promoting his talents.
After hearing an Empower World podcast about perfectionism (Episode 88) and the key message that getting things perfect for other people can be very consuming and draining, Arslan realised the impact of being a perfectionist. He believes he lost 10 to 15 years of his creative journey.
When Arslan heard the term 'imperfection is perfection,' he was ready to let go of his old ways and declare his music was good enough to share with the world. He recently released a song and video (Shaheeno) in support of the Pakistan cricket team for the recent World Cup and it went viral. He racked up more than two hundred thousand views in a few weeks and offers came rolling in from the music and entertainment industry to support Arslan’s musical aspirations.
Who knows what might happen longer-term as a consequence of releasing the song. The main thing is Arslan dared greatly to reveal his gifts and is receiving invaluable feed-forward to support him in his ongoing pursuit of being a musician and songwriter.
Arslan’s advice for anyone struggling with trying to be perfect is, “Have faith in yourself and if you ever felt that whatever you have created is good enough to be shared with the world, and now you're thinking that it's not, just share it. Just share it and be ready to be shocked and surprised with the response that you will get.”
If you, like Arslan, would like to overcome the unproductive pursuit of perfection, here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Trust you have a unique gift to share with the world. Only you can write that song, create that artwork, do that task in your unique style. Have faith in your own ability.
- Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean letting go of doing your best. There's a difference between internal striving to be the best we can be and perfectionism. Internal striving to do the very best means we care about what we do, so we want to put the best work out in the world. But it doesn't mean it has to be perfect. Perfectionism is externally focused: meaning we are concerned about what others will think about what you create.
- Remember it's not possible to please everyone - so start with pleasing yourself first and foremost - keeping in mind feed-forward is very useful too - making sure you listen to the feed-forward from those you respect: whose opinions matter to you.
- Be brave. Have the courage to allow others to see your creativity - and again whose opinions matter. And the feedback you get might pleasantly surprise you. It can also assist you to choose your next steps and how to improve. ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ as author and personal development specialist Susan Jeffers says – because when you do – this is when wonderful things can happen.
- Recognise imperfect is actually perfect. At Empower World, we say ‘imperfectly perfect!’ Stephen Hawking said, “One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn't exist.....Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist”.
Enjoy taking action, and be empowered.
If you would like support to let go of perfectionism and create the dreams and goals you desire - it can perhaps take a coaching conversation.
So, if you are you ready to release your gifts to the world, but are not sure where or how to begin, then a coaching conversation can support you to let go of perfectionism and to create the dreams and goals you desire.
Start an exploratory conversation with a coach today by clicking here to organise a complimentary, no-obligation discovery session.
Listen to Marie talk to Arslan about how overcoming his pursuit of perfection led him to be brave and put his gift out into the world in the Empower World Coaching and Leadership Podcast, Episode 124 here
Episode-124 can be found here:
Direct Link: http://bit.ly/2WldfBt
#stitcher: http://bit.ly/
#itunes: http://bit.ly/EW-
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