The Power of Setting Boundaries: The Secret to a Happier, Healthier You

Sometimes when we think of the word ‘boundaries’ it can conjure up thoughts and images of restrictions, divides, confines, and limits. We have discovered that the opposite is true; creating boundaries can set us free.

As we become clear about what we do and don't want, what we will and won't accept - and share this with others so everyone has clarity - it can enable deeper mutual understanding and respect. And with that - comes the freedom to live a purposeful, joyful, and meaningful life. Without boundaries, we can fall into habits and ways of being that can be energy-draining and exhausting.

Boundaries are important in all areas of our life. This includes our relationships with self and the people that are most important to us (family, friends, work colleagues and other community contacts), our time (personal, work, wellbeing, fitness, spiritual, social, spare), personal health (physical health, mental well-being) – as examples.

Well-established boundaries, in alignment with who we are and what is most important to us, supports our overall sense of self and purpose. They can provide the foundation for us to connect to our identity, maintain healthy relationships, support our physical and emotional well-being, as well as protect and maintain our personal and professional values.

By choosing to be in the spaces we are consciously clear about being in and not being a part of, it can set us free to be who we truly are and focus on what inspires us, what we want to experience and what we truly value in our lives.

Having this clarity can also support us when the ‘going gets tough’ and can be useful for developing our resilience because we are clear about who we are and what matters most to us.

In addition, boundaries play a crucial role in maintaining healthy relationships. They define what is acceptable and what is not in relation to behaviour, communication, and personal space. Clear understanding and communication of boundaries promote mutual respect, trust, and understanding.

They can also protect our emotional well-being because they allow us to determine the limits on the time and amount of emotional energy we invest in different relationships or situations, which can preserve and maintain our vitality and can prevent exhaustion and resentment.

Importantly, setting boundaries around our time and commitments means we can prioritise our responsibilities, allocate time for our self-care and relationships, conserve energy and avoid overextending ourselves. This enables us to create the space and freedom to do what inspires us as well as honour the responsibilities we choose to undertake.

Not setting boundaries or having unclear boundaries, can lead to various consequences such as frustration, unhappiness, stress, ill health, anger at or pity for others, limited experiences and growth, and so much more.

If you're unhappy with your own experiences and outcomes and believe others are taking advantage of you, your time, your energy, your knowledge and experience, it may be useful to do some self-reflection and understand where setting clear boundaries will support you (and others) - and of course - sharing these boundaries if you want a better quality outcomes.

If we don’t share our boundaries in a clear and kind way, others will continue to step over them because they are not aware of what is important to you.

Here are some steps to set and maintain clear and kind boundaries:

1. Identify Your Needs, Wants and Desires. Reflect on what it is you want, your values, purpose, legacy, and limits in various areas of your personal and professional life. Understand what is most important to you and what you are comfortable with. If, for example, you have a value of personal freedom, you may decide you need more personal time alone to reflect and rejuvenate. That might mean setting aside 30 mins for yourself – perhaps in the morning or in the evening to do some reflective journaling, exercise, or meditation. And with that commitment, you might put that time for yourself in your diary and let family and colleagues know this time is your personal daily commitment, and you are not to be disturbed in that 30 minutes unless it is something incredibly urgent. You might also decide to switch off all of your devices so you have 30 uninterrupted minutes to yourself.
2. Communicate with kindness and clarity. Clearly communicate your boundaries to others. Use "I" statements to express your needs and expectations without blame. If we use the above example in relation to setting aside 30 minutes of time for yourself, you would potentially commit to telling your family and colleagues something like: “Between 8 and 8.30 am every day I will be taking some important time out for myself to reflect, rejuvenate and get ready for the day. During this time, I won’t be taking calls or responding to messages, but after 8.30 am I’ll be available to respond to anything that does come up during this time."  And let’s not forget how kindness can positively impact communication and understanding. Adding a statement such as: “Thank you for taking the time to listen and understanding this is really important to me. I appreciate you.” ... can really support the communication process and enhance relationships in a positive manner
3. Be Consistent: Put your boundaries in place consistently and follow through with any consequences or commitments you have communicated. This helps establish and sustains trust and shows others that you are serious about maintaining your boundaries. Using the example above, if someone calls you during your personal reflection time, you respond to the call after 8.30am so that people don't get the idea you will break your boundaries.
4. Practice Self-Care: Prioritise self-care activities and make sure to set boundaries around your time and energy to meet your personal needs, wants and desires. This is your 'oxygen mask' to ensure your mental and physical health are nourished.
5. Seek Support if Needed: If you find it challenging to set or maintain boundaries, seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals such as a coach who can assist you navigate difficult situations.

Creating and living according to your boundaries is an ongoing process of learning and adjustment. And as you grow and develop, your boundaries may also continue to evolve and align with your values, purpose, and circumstances.

t's important to recognize that setting boundaries is a process that takes time and some effort. While it may feel uncomfortable or challenging at first, the benefits of establishing healthy boundaries far outweigh the costs of not doing so.

By prioritising your well-being, asserting what is important to you (owing your self-worth), and fostering respectful relationships, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling, meaningful life.

Be empowered!

Jeanine and Marie

In our upcoming coach training programme, we support coaches to become aware of what is truly important to themselves, set boundaries for their own self-care and learn how to support others to do the same. To find out more, Click Here.

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