Allowing Space for Deep Listening
Mar 28, 2019
Have you ever thought as a coach about the truly deep power of silence and effective listening?
Listening deeply can be one of the most powerful skills we can demonstrate as a coach and a fellow human being. It can open the doors to self-reflection and discovery for the client or person we are with, enabling them to capture their thoughts, which the client or person we are in communication with may otherwise not have experienced.
Usually silences during a conversation are considered to be odd. However, there is immense importance of breaking a conversation with silence and pace and allowing the person you are in deep communication with a free place to ponder and gather their thoughts, dwell deeper into their own world and reflect on their stories, emotions and beliefs which can lead to new and greater awareness.
Sometimes coaches fail to understand this and can bombard the client with probing questions, without realizing how crucial a pause is. There is already a lot going on in the client’s mind, which makes it okay to sometimes not say anything and let the person absorb everything in both a vulnerable and courageous place of silence.
Listening deeply can be one of the most powerful skills we can demonstrate as a coach and a fellow human being. It can open the doors to self-reflection and discovery for the client or person we are with, enabling them to capture their thoughts, which the client or person we are in communication with may otherwise not have experienced.
Usually silences during a conversation are considered to be odd. However, there is immense importance of breaking a conversation with silence and pace and allowing the person you are in deep communication with a free place to ponder and gather their thoughts, dwell deeper into their own world and reflect on their stories, emotions and beliefs which can lead to new and greater awareness.
Sometimes coaches fail to understand this and can bombard the client with probing questions, without realizing how crucial a pause is. There is already a lot going on in the client’s mind, which makes it okay to sometimes not say anything and let the person absorb everything in both a vulnerable and courageous place of silence.
Silence and space enables the person to use this time to potentially ponder ideas and feel the sensations in their body and bring them into conscious awareness. And since communication consists of 57 percent physiology, 38 percent tone and 7 percent speech, the client can listen to how their body - which is saying so much - is talking to them.
A place of silence does not often feel usual for the client because they are searching for the answers within themselves. A clue to let you know that the client is reflecting and or reviewing memories or constructing new perspectives or creating new ways forward is when the client is not looking directly at you. As a coach, you might appreciate your client has completed their search for answers and ideas when they reconnect and make eye contact again with you. Observing their physiology will support you to determine when to proceed with questions to discover more.
We can as the listener also use this opportunity of silence to get curious about what is happening in the moment for ourself as the coach: what is going on inside and any of our own thoughts arising. In other words, paying attention to our intuition as to what might also be coming up for your client. And if and when appropriate, share our intuition with your client to support a possible new perspective for them.
Besides effective, deep listening during coaching conversations, we recommend developing this habit for our regular conversations as well. Not only will it help us communicate in a better way through maximum understanding and empathy, it will also make us be more attentive towards the other person.
Active listening, is an essential part of the ICF eleven core competencies. Practicing and experimenting constantly with creating and providing a silent space is a great way to become an even better listener: not only of other people but also of self.
In a world full of people who talk more and listen less, it is always wiser to listen more for a better understanding of a person and the world in general, clearing perspectives and increasing empathy.
Be empowered.
To learn more, listen to the Empower World Coaching and Leadership Podcast, Episode 117 here.
Episode-117 can be found here:
Direct Link: http://bit.ly/2WUWEB6
#stitcher: http://bit.ly/podcast-episode-117
#itunes: http://bit.ly/EW-Podcast-iTune
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