Marie Quigley:
Hello and welcome to Empower World: The Coaching and Leadership Podcast. I’m Marie Quigley-almost forgot my surname there!-and I’m here with the lovely Jeanine Bailey. It’s morning here in my part of the world, and evening for Jeanine.

Jeanine Bailey:
Yes, it’s getting a little late now, but I’m delighted to be here. It's been a bit tricky to find time together lately, so I'm really happy we could make this happen.

Marie Quigley:
Same here, Jeanine. Before recording, we had a brief chat about what might be most helpful for our listeners-especially for coaches and aspiring coaches. One theme that comes up often in supervision is: How do I attract clients? How do I get chosen?

When you have a chemistry session-or discovery, intake, or connection session, whatever name you use-so many things can happen that either support or hinder a client’s decision to work with you. It’s not about rejection per se, but it can sometimes feel like that. You start wondering, Why wasn’t I the one chosen? What am I missing? So, we thought this would be a powerful topic to explore.

Jeanine Bailey:
Absolutely. And in some of the groups I supervise-especially those involving coaching platforms-this comes up regularly. Coaches often talk about that 30-minute chemistry session. It’s a short window in which you need to build connection, showcase your work, and hopefully be selected.

Sometimes, coaches feel they had a strong connection with the potential client and are surprised when they’re not chosen. So yes, this is definitely a topic that deserves attention.

Marie Quigley:
Yes, and I’ve experienced that too-being in the mix and not being chosen. I’m sure you have, Jeanine.

Jeanine Bailey:
Definitely.

Marie Quigley:
Over the years, I’ve come to believe that the client always ends up with the coach they need at that moment. Sometimes, the work we offer may be too deep or too confronting, and the client may not be ready for that kind of coaching. They might prefer something more practical or even advice-based, which can feel safer.

Of course, that’s not really coaching-but if a client is looking for mentoring or consulting, they may resonate more with someone who brings that expertise. And that’s okay. They’re just not the right match for how we work.

Jeanine Bailey:
Exactly. There are so many reasons a client might choose someone else. I believe that I attract the right people who are meant to work with me-and that’s perfect. I know not all coaches share that belief, but I see you nodding, Marie.

Marie Quigley:
Yes, I’m reflecting on how my mindset has shifted over time. Early in my business, I’d feel disappointed when I wasn’t chosen. Now, at this stage, I trust that whether I get a client or not, there’s a good reason behind it.

When we’re just starting out, we want to coach everyone-because we’re running a business and need to pay the bills. That energy of wanting to win the client can actually push people away. Clients can sense it.

Jeanine Bailey:
That’s such an important point. Our unconscious beliefs and energy really do affect how we show up-and clients can pick up on those subtle signals. So part of our development as coaches is working on our mindset and beliefs. That’s one element of showing up in a way that attracts the right people.

Marie Quigley:
Exactly. And we also need to remember that clients might not be ready for deep coaching. Are we explaining what coaching is in a way they truly understand? Are we giving them a real experience of coaching in the chemistry session, so they know what it feels like to work with us?

Jeanine, what do you think is essential in a chemistry session?

Jeanine Bailey:
I believe it starts with being truly prepared. Showing up with an open, present mindset-trusting the process, trusting yourself, and being open to whatever unfolds.

Many coaches feel nervous or unsure during these sessions-especially when it feels like an audition. But it helps to bring a sense of curiosity, even joy, to meeting this new person. And of course, we adjust based on their energy or state of mind.

It’s about being authentic, bringing your whole self, and viewing the session as a space of opportunity-not scarcity. From there, we draw on our coaching skills: deep listening, building rapport, holding empathy, asking powerful questions, and reflecting back what we see.

Marie Quigley:
Yes! And what you said really resonates-because it’s not about us. It’s about the other person.

I learned that lesson the hard way. I once passed out on stage in front of 300 people because I was so focused on myself. The fear overwhelmed me. That experience taught me the power of focusing on the other.

In a chemistry session, if I'm focused on performing, I’m not going to win the client. But if I focus on serving-on listening deeply, connecting, and challenging their thinking from the beginning-then we create something meaningful.

Of course, to challenge effectively, we have to contract. I might say, “You’ll get a feel for how I work today, and I may ask some questions that feel challenging. Are you okay with that?”

If they say, “I’m not ready,” then I ask what they do need. This mini-contracting allows me to adjust, while still showing up authentically.

Jeanine Bailey:
That’s such a great example of contracting in action. It’s not the full contracting we do when we’ve already agreed to work together-but it gives a real experience of how we work.

And yes, stretching and challenging the client-even in a chemistry session-is so valuable. Coaching is about expanding comfort zones, not just being nice or friendly. It’s support and challenge. And often that means creating some discomfort-because that’s where growth happens.

Marie Quigley:
Absolutely. I don’t go into these sessions trying to be liked. I go in thinking: What does this person need? What am I picking up intuitively? What might be helpful for them to explore, even briefly?

My attention is on them. And I try to offer deep compassion and challenge, so they feel both safe and stretched. That psychological safety is what allows real coaching work to begin-even in 30 minutes.

Jeanine Bailey:
Yes. And for coaches wondering how to approach these sessions, especially with someone new to coaching, what would you recommend as a general process?

Marie Quigley:
Every session is different, of course, but here’s a basic outline.

First, we must hold ourselves as professionals. Just like if you were seeing a doctor or lawyer for the first time, you’d want to feel that they’re grounded, knowledgeable, and clear about their role. Clients expect that of us, too.

So I lead the session. I start by helping the client understand what coaching is-and what it isn’t. I explore why they’re here, and whether they even want coaching right now. Then I offer a short experience-maybe five minutes-of what coaching with me might be like.

Before I ask any stretching questions, I always contract: “Would it be okay if I challenged you a little?” And I always emphasize: there’s no obligation. If I’m not the right fit, that’s okay. Someone else will be.

Having the courage to say, “You’re not the right client for me,” is just as important as being chosen. When you show up without attachment to the outcome, clients feel it-and it’s often what draws the right ones in.

Jeanine Bailey:
That’s such an empowering way to approach it. It removes pressure from both you and the client and allows the conversation to unfold naturally.

With experience, we learn to bring just enough structure while staying responsive to what the client needs. That’s the art of coaching.

Marie Quigley:
Yes. And whether we win a client or not, there’s always learning. That’s why supervision is such a powerful space for exploring these experiences.

Because who we are is how we coach-and how we show up to chemistry sessions. If we focus on ourselves-our nerves, our performance-we might miss something. But if we focus on the client, mirror their energy, build trust, and show up authentically, we might just be the difference that helps them choose us.

Jeanine Bailey:
Beautifully said. Coaches, we hope this episode has given you valuable insight and encouragement. This is such a common challenge, and if you’re experiencing it, you’re not alone.

We invite you to get curious: How am I showing up? What might be getting in the way? What do I need to explore?

We want every coach to thrive-to build meaningful practices and create real impact.

Thank you, Marie, for sharing your wisdom. Any final thoughts?

Marie Quigley:
We could definitely say more-but maybe we’ll save that for another episode! This is a big topic, and perhaps we’ll create a mini-series around it.

Coaches, if you have questions or themes you'd like us to explore-especially around chemistry, discovery, or intake sessions-please write in and let us know. We’d love to build future episodes around your real-world experiences.

Jeanine Bailey:
Yes, we look forward to continuing the conversation in service of our coaching and leadership community.

Thank you for listening. We hope to connect with you again soon-however that may happen.