Co-founders of Empower World
Marie: Hello. Good morning, Good evening, Good afternoon, wherever you are in the world. Marie Quigley here along with Jeanine Bailey, and yes we're together once again in the lovely Doha! Not spread across the opposite ends of the earth. And it's a lovely day in Doha. Hopefully we might get some rain this afternoon.
Jeanine: Yes there's quite a bit of cloud around and it feels a little bit cooler. So yes, let's hope we get some rain.
Marie: Yeah and we're coming off a weekend here in Doha and I already feel like it's the end of the week again because my day today has been filled with purposeful work. Notice I didn't say busy.
Jeanine: Yes well done.
Marie: So I've had a really fun filled, packed morning with Mentoring, Supervision and Coaching.
Jeanine: Fantastic Marie
Marie: What about you?
Jeanine: Well I've been doing a lot of foundation work today. So it's been a very packed, busy purposeful time in Doha since I've been here for about four weeks. Today is about just grounding myself and finding out where I am… catching up on myself. So it's been good. It's been really good to have that time out and of course we're getting ready to speak to the Toastmasters group this evening. So we're doing a keynote at Toastmasters which we're both looking forward to. I know I am.
Marie: Yeah me too. It's about kicking your saboteurs into touch and recognizing that we sometimes have to feel the fear and do it anyway. And actually that's a nice link into the topic we’ve thought about supporting our coaches and leaders with today. Because over the last few weeks we've been noticing that with the work we've been doing with both coaches and leaders, a recurring theme that keeps coming up has been the fact that there are a lot of people who'd love to do things, and fear of failure and sometimes fear of success are stopping people from moving forward, keeping them in their comfort zone.
Jeanine: Yes, we're hearing that quite a lot, aren't we, with the coaches that we support? We are currently in a program at the moment where we're training new coaches. So we're hearing a little bit of that from the new cohort, and we're hearing it from others that are more experienced and well on their way to becoming certified coaches. And it's interesting that we're doing this talk tonight at Toastmasters that is about kicking those Saboteurs. So supporting the people who perhaps haven't had the confidence yet to speak. They're looking to turnaround those saboteurs that are holding them back. So it's interesting, it's a recurring theme that we're noticing at the moment.
Marie: And look let's face it. We have had, and currently potentially also still have, those saboteurs that pop up when we are being stretched into something new. It's a natural reaction that they pop up, to keep us safe. And it's about recognizing when they're not going to be useful anymore, especially when we want to create something. I'm thinking of an example of a coach who really wants to create a magnificent coaching practice. She's a great coach. She's done all the training, she's had mentoring, she's having supervision and she's a powerful coach. And her feedback from our clients is saying “we want more” and “we're doing exceedingly well because of the services you're offering us”. But what's happening is, she's listening to those smaller voices that potentially don't understand what coaching is… or are a little bit confused as to ‘the profession’ of coaching and is it a ‘real thing’. And instead of recognizing the amount of people that are really finding it useful, as human beings we tend listen to those people who don't understand it. And this coach in particular, and not just one, a number of coaches, are listening to those negative external voices which are bringing up their internal negative voices ,which definitely is causing a stalemate.
Jeanine: Yes, and as humans we have heard those voices, and as you said earlier Marie we hear those voices too, and it's about how to turn the volume down on those voices that hold us back and turn up the volume that propels us forward. And again, we've said this many times, being really clear about our ‘Why’. Being really clear about who we are, what our values are, what our legacy is, what we meant to be doing? This will support us to turn that volume on. This is what we’re meant to be doing, and to have that courage and that belief in ourselves. And to feel the fear and do it anyway… and to potentially look at those saboteurs and look at what's underneath, what's behind the little voice (or maybe the big voice) that is holding us back. So getting curious and finding out what's the gift in this saboteur for ourselves that can support us to turn that saboteur around and make it our friend, or turn that volume down so that it's being drowned out by that volume that says “you're on the right track, you're on the right path, believe in yourself”.
Marie: And sometimes it might just be grabbing it by the hand and saying “come along saboteur, I'll show you that I'm safe”. And as I'm thinking about that and having done that myself… grabbed my Saboteur, asked it to walk beside me… It's a vulnerable place to be. Because you don't know whether you're going to fail or succeed. And I'm sensing that, that is often the biggest thing- it's the unknown of “Is this going to be worth it? I'm going to put myself out there. I am going to be at the ‘arena’”, as Brene says, ''facing those slings and arrows that are being thrown at me. Am I able to deal with it if I don't do such a great job?''. I'm just thinking about us doing this podcast, you know, it isn't going to be perfect, yet we're still doing it with the chance that this might fail. And that is vulnerable and at the same time, courageous.
Jeanine: Yes and in fact when we started this podcast we had some idea of what we were going to speak about. However, we didn't script it. We didn't say “we'll include this and that”, we just felt it. And I know I felt that nervousness of “how is it going to turn out?” and we're doing it anyway. So, as you spoke Marie, the beautiful quote by Roosevelt that was very much part of Brene Brown's work the Daring Way, Daring Greatly work, Dare To Lead comes to mind, and I wish I could remember it by heart, do you Marie?
Marie: Well I know that line: ''It's not the critic who counts it's the man in the arena''.
Jeanine: Exactly. That's the bit I remember. Who dares greatly? That's what counts. So that at the end of our lives if we dare greatly, at the end we're not going to be regretting what we did or didn't do. and going to that amazing book written by the Australian nurse, and again I can't remember her name, who wrote 'The Five Regrets of the dying' that's coming up in terms of people wishing they had done more. Knowing that there was more and didn't do it.
Marie: And when we were stepping into the arena, if it's not worth doing- we're not going to have this sensation of feeling a little bit of fear, or a lot of fear! Whatever it is, if it's something worth doing we're going to have a sensation that is going to stretch us… it's going to take our breath away sometimes. And I think it's important to recognize where we go when we get into the arena. Do we go to the critics? Do we go to the ones who are going to judge us? Because there's always going to be somebody who's going to judge us. Or do we go to the support section? To the people we appreciate, love and who understand what do and who are going to hold us up but also support us with feedback if things aren't going so well? You know, as Brene said, "if you are going to go into the arena you are all going to fail”. You are, its certain you are going to fail at some point, but it’s how you look at that failure; whether it's a learning or whether it's going to hold you back. That's the crux of whether you will move forward with it or not.
Jeanine: Yeah and we always share in our training that there's no such thing as failure. There's only feedback as to what to do differently. That's what we bring into our training, that perspective. So that we're always looking for the learning for ourselves. A mentor of mine, I did a training course with him on public speaking, and he said that those nerves that you get before you step on a stage, or into an arena- when they come up it's about re-framing them and seeing them and feeling them as the expansion. That were actually with stepping into expansion. We're growing. We're doing something that's important. And growth, as we know, is one of the keys to our personal happiness. If we’re not growing, potentially we're getting stale. So life as wired us, mother Nature has wired us, to grow. And fortunately, or unfortunately, it does involve feeling uncomfortable.
Marie: It does and questioning “would I have been happier with my head at the same level”, if we think of a poppy field, “Would I have been happier with my flower being the same height as every other Poppy? And me living life the way society wanted me to do? Or the expectations wanted me to do? Would I have been happier doing that? Maybe it would have been easier? Maybe I would have had an easier time and it would be more comfortable. But boy am I glad that I chose to pop my head up among the poppies, look at the potential within me and without me, around me, to allow me to live a life that is fulfilling and on purpose”. Yes, there are those who want to cut that poppy head down. They're always going to be people like that. And it's recognizing that: for me, anyway, it is worth it.
Jeanine: And once you become aware, you can't become unaware.
Marie: Now, you can run with the crowd and you can do what other people think you should be doing. That's another way of doing it. It's looking at whether this is fulfilling for you. When you're doing what other people are expecting of you, when you keep yourself small, does that feel okay for you? Or is it slowly killing you?
Jeanine: Well I had a thought today, Marie, that “gosh, if I left today would I be happy?” and my answer back to myself was “yes” and I still want to keep going because there's still so much to do, as I step into my purpose and my ‘why’, why I'm here. There is, for me, still so much growth and making a difference out there in the world.
Marie: Yeah absolutely. So coaches, if you're thinking of putting out a new program, if you're thinking of getting online with a website, If you are thinking of putting a blog out there, if you're thinking of doing a speaking experience or even if you're just thinking about putting a post online that represents your philosophy on coaching… what would you like to do? Would you like to stick your head over all the poppies and really shine? Or would you like to get lost in the poppy field underneath?
Jeanine: And as you reflect upon that, coaches, if you decide that you want to put your head above the poppy field… be prepared that some people won't be happy with that. And at the same time also know that you’re stepping into your truth of what's important to you. And that there will be people that will be so happy and so delighted for you that you've put your head up, that they've been waiting for you to do this. They know that you're capable of so much more. And there will be some people who potentially won't be so happy. But that's okay! It's about being true to yourself and knowing that the people around you who support you to be true to yourself are what really matter.
Marie: Of course, it's up to you. You can stay where you are, or you can be where you want to be. We trust that you have the answers inside of you. Thank you for listening. We've really enjoyed being with you today.
Jeanine: Thank you. And see you next time.