Co-founders of Empower World
Jeanine Bailey: Hello and welcome listeners to the Empower World Coaching and Leadership Podcast with myself, Jeanine Bailey and my brilliant business partner and coach Marie Quigley, coach supervisor, as we both are and coach mentor. So, thank you for joining us. I am calling in from Australia today, from the evening time. It's summertime here, but a summer storm is rolling in so you might hear some thunder in the background. So, and Marie, you're in the winter.
Marie Quigley: In the winter, but it's actually a beautiful, morning here in the UK. I am dying to get back outside and take in some of the gorgeous countryside that surround me, so I'll do that hopefully later today before school pick up if I get a moment. Fantastic.
Jeanine Bailey: Yeah. So, if I get cut off, you'll know why. Because of these big electrical storms that are coming through and apparently hail is also forecast so could be all happening. So, let's get this podcast done Marie right before my voice is drowned out. So today we thought what we might dive into is parts work and we offer a module in our advanced program, which is focused on the parts work. And we wanted to do that because we really appreciate that we are all made up of different parts, different masks that we put on, that we will bring out those different parts depending on the situations and circumstances that we come across in our everyday life. And so, we can switch into those parts of any at any time. And so, as coaches, we also recognise that our clients will be stepping into their various paths depending on the circumstances that they are experiencing. And sometimes those parts will be very obvious and very clear. And as coaches, what we can do is work with our clients to uncover those parts and explore them and find out what is the wisdom that those parts bring.
Marie Quigley: It's such a powerful way of looking at ourselves. You know, we often think that we are this one voice and other voices come in. Maybe, we can call it sabotages. But actually, sometimes many, many times those voices that we hear are a part of us trying to speak out, trying to talk to us, trying to acknowledge the fears maybe of the child that we were maybe of some fear that we've learned, maybe some concern that's coming up, maybe some vision or that's aligned with our values. Maybe one of our parts is really risk taker and you know, is speaking to us about stepping out all the time of our comfort zone. Maybe too often that's causing us a lot of anxiety and stress. So, understanding parts is, we think fundamental to supporting myself even and the clients to get a vision of who we are as a whole. These parts make up of a whole sense of us. Richard Schwartz, who developed internal family systems and really talks more in detail about parts work in his work, he defines the Self with a capital S. That's the wisest part of us. Many of you coaches will know from many coaching programs we talk about the wisest part of ourselves. But the other part of ourselves also connect to that wisest part that Self with a capital s. And if we can get into connection with the parts that we're separated from or we don't want to connect to. If we can find them, meet them, feel compassion and curiosity towards them, then we can have an understanding and almost kind of bring them in closer to self because they benefit us in many, many ways.
Jeanine Bailey: Yes, beautifully described Marie. And yes, it is the recognition of these different parts and not squashing them, not attempting to push them aside. It really is bringing them in and getting curious about them, integrating them into the whole. It's discovering. What is the wisdom that each of these parts bring? And because each part we truly believe brings wisdom, they bring something, as I think we've mentioned in many podcasts before, we believe that there are two sides to every experience, two sides to everything that we notice. There's an upside and then there's a side that perhaps doesn't look so good that perhaps doesn't seem to be a side that we want to go to, or it can be appear. I'm going to put inverted commas “wrong”, but actually, there are always that silver learning, that learning. So, if we do get curious with our parts, parts of ourselves, when we support our clients to get curious about those parts that they've ignored or perhaps stuffed down, then it's again, I love the word that you used being compassionate and kind to those parts so that we can discover what is here to learn. How do we embrace that part? What what's the positive intention of that part that we're trying to ignore or stuffed down? You know, it also reminds me of Shirzad Chamine work, the sage. The Sage is made up of that in a leader is made up of five different parts. Those five different parts, which I can't remember off the top of my head. You might remember Maire, but that allow us to step into our greatness and our wisdom, our resourcefulness, our creativity, prefrontal cortex mind. That is the executive decision-making part. And then we've got the parts, the knot. I think it's nine parts that Shirzad explains that the saboteur is the saboteur parts of us and we all have them. But some of us will notice that some of those parts are stronger or louder than others.
Marie Quigley: Absolutely, Jeanine. If you if you're interested in Shirzad Chemine's work, go to www.positiveIntelligence.com and you can actually take a great assessment to see what your sage and your allies are and your saboteurs all about you. But what ranking they are. It's really interesting little tests and you can hear the parts at play. When your clients are stuck or they're making a decision, you'll often hear them say, well, part of me wants this and part of me wants that. And another part of me is terrified, and another part of me just wants to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. So, there are play in many different conversations that you hear with your client. I'm currently facing a situation at the moment, but right now in this moment, as we're exploring, I'm in, I believe I'm in the wisest part of myself. It's a place that is calm, is trusting kind of in my body, fully experiencing the situation that's happening. And when I go to the fearful future, then the little part of me that wants to rescue the situation, wants to rescue other people and maybe protect myself, pops up and goes, yes, but what if you look blah blah blah, what have you blah blah blah? What's going to happen? If so, that part of me that is in shows adds Saboteur. Language is the pleaser part of me pops up and is trying to rescue the situation. Also, we recommend having a look at Karpman drama Triangle about how when we are in a situation that part of us becomes a rescuer or a persecutor or a victim in a situation that's something we teach on our programs many times. So have a look at that work. And the reason I'm showing about my situation is because it's so easy when our mind moves to past or future to step into a part that is not really useful for us at the moment that plays a part for me, sometimes really good. But in this current situation, it's not going to solve anything if I only listen to the pleas apart. I need to stay in my wisdom, my strength, my true self in order to make decisions that are empowering for me, for others and the greater good. Hmm.
Jeanine Bailey: Absolutely Marie, I can hear in that was part of yourself. And it is beautiful to see and witness and hear as you are in that part of yourself that that knows really, truly deep down, what is your truth and your way forward? And of course, clients, listeners, you would have heard. Marie also shared that she also is aware of the other part, the other part that bobs its head up. It's trying to keep you safe. It's trying to hold you back. It's trying to prevent you from being courageous and moving outside of your comfort zone. So, and again, this is what we do as coaches. We're listening up for those parts that are moving towards what is wanted and moving away. Also, what is not wanted, not wanted to experience. And so, there are many ways that we can support our clients to identify those, those different parts. And we've already shared a few models. And I'm thinking of also transactional analysis with the adult again, the wise adult and then perhaps the fearful adult and the child who is either in a fearful place or an inquiring place. So, it's another model to have a look at. And again, as Extended Disc certified to be able to provide Extended Disc psychometric testing profiles again, we can see the different, the different paths. There are four main parts the dominant, decisive, the inspiring influencer, the steady, safe energy and the conscientious energy. And, of course, Extended Disc you know, can make variations of those for different styles of energy into about one hundred and seventy-three. I think it is different profiles, different mixes of those parts. So, it's all very interesting. So, coaches, when you notice those parts that come out with your client based on the language, based on their physiology, based on what's coming up in their emotion, their emotional field, it's an opportunity to again ask the client what who. Which part of you is coming up here? What does this part want? What is this part experiencing? What are the beliefs of this part and work with them in relation to their goal that they brought to the session?
Marie Quigley: Yeah. So, I love what you're saying, Jeanine, so many concepts bring in this part works. And as you said, we've shared lot of models and tools that you can use. One important question, I think, is when your clients’ paths are here, often we want to reject them. So especially the parts that are causing us maybe to be fearful. We don't want it to be there. So as coaches, we want to invite our clients to meet the part and to meet it with not fear or sometimes anger or resentment, but to meet it with love and compassion. So, the question is a great question is, you know, how do you feel toward the part and it's supporting your client to get into a state where they can choose, even to feel if they don't feel love and compassion toward that or even to feel curious toward it. So, if I can be curious towards this, pleaser part of me, this little child within me instead of resentful of it's trying to stop me from something, then I can ask questions. Might my wisest self can ask questions? And that part can be heard and listened to, and it can also have a voice. And often when we meet it with curiosity, and if we can move it up to compassion and love, that voice quiets down because it starts to trust to the wisest part of ourselves and knows that we've. We are safe. We are not in danger. You know, there is no saber tooth tiger coming to eat us. It is okay to have this experience, learn from it and invite it in, almost hugging it towards you instead of rejecting it. So that's a really interesting question. I use when parts work come is, first of all, find out how your client feels toward it. Then you can move through exploration if the client, of course, is willing to do that.
Jeanine Bailey: Mm-Hmm. Yes, absolutely Marie and the other brilliant thing that we can do as coaches is to support our clients, to speak to those different parts, to bring those parts out and allow them to have a conversation. And again, trusting your client is naturally creative and told that they have the strength and the ability to be able to speak to these different parts and enable those parts to talk to each other to find out what is it that they. What is it that they need? What is it that they want to do? How can they come together to be able to? Moved towards what, again, what is wanted by the whole self? So, it's a really courageous conversation and a conversation that your client knows when there's trust and rapport, when your client is ready to speak to these parts can be incredibly powerful.
Marie Quigley: Mm hmm. So, if you want to know more about past work, you're most welcome to join us on our parts program, part of our Advanced Diamond Training Programme. Come along and learn some fabulous ways of working with parts, working with saboteurs, working with the internal leader. We've got some beautiful processes and exercises to teach you about how to do that. And of course, you always go through an experience with us, so you'll get to know your own parts and become curious about them and maybe even start to love them a little bit as you integrate them in to your own wisest self.
Jeanine Bailey: And you'll also get an experience in terms of practicing those, skills that you learn with us being able to support you. But by listening in and providing you with feedback as well. So, it's an opportunity. It's a whole opportunity to experience parts, work in many different parts and ways, so we hope you can join us. Marie, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and for that beautiful was part of yourself in today's session. Thank you, listeners for tuning in. And if you feel that anyone could benefit from this, this particular podcast, we'd love you to share it across with your connections. So, thank you for listening.