Co-founders of Empower World
Jeanine Bailey: Hello and welcome everybody to Empower World's Coaching and leadership podcast. I am here today with the wonderful Marie Quigley and it's early morning here in Australia. I'm calling from the land of the Woiwurrung people who are part of the Kulin nation. So, I pay my respects to the elders past and present and emerging, the beautiful custodians of our land here and I pay my respects to yours wherever you are in the world. Welcome, Marie.
Marie Quigley: Lovely to be here, Jeanine.
Jeanine Bailey: And it's late your evening starting to get later.
Marie Quigley: Yeah, it feels like it's midnight because it's pitch-black outside. It's only 8:15 in the evening. But yes, it feels we're in the depths of winter. Very dark early on where we are at this part of the world.
Jeanine Bailey: We've stolen your light over here.
Marie Quigley: Give it back. How dare you.
Jeanine Bailey: So yesterday we thought we would or tonight, wherever you are, we thought we would look at the leadership and how these beautiful and powerful skills of coaching can support us as leaders, whether we are a coach, whether we're supporting our clients, whatever capacity, how these incredible skills can support us to be a leader. And of course, we always say that leadership starts within first and foremost before we can lead others. So, we know that these coaching skills are a powerful to be able to coach ourselves, but to also be able to support others to bring out the leader within them so that then they're able to be the best leader that they can be with others.
Marie Quigley: Yeah, it's when we know all selves, when we tap into what's really important to us, when we're able to uncover our blind spots that maybe we haven't seen before. You know, we always say that other people can see our blind spots so easily. Very good at judging other people, but we rarely can see the gaps in our own strategies or thinking or even being in the world. So, when we're able to do that, we can step more and more into being more authentic living life on our terms. And that is all to do with leadership and any kind of leading any kind of decision making requires the strength to come from within. And of course, if we do the work and we start to learn about ourselves which coaching helps us do, then we can become more powerful if we choose to.
Jeanine Bailey: Yes, absolutely, Marie and what was coming to mind was. And, you know, I'm thinking I'm bringing some clients to mind. Many. And the work that we do and the work that we also train people to become professional coaches in is that reflection. I mean, we are reflections of each other. And so, what we and you brought up that I believe that judgment piece of what we're seeing in others, this is potentially also in ourselves. So. And those and you talked about blind spots, I think that's what you spoke about, Marie. So those blind spots that we all have and so it's so this mirror that came up for me as you spoke to me, it's really understanding what we see in others is also in us. And so, if we can hold up as coaches, if we can hold up the mirror to ourselves or the clients, we serve to be able to see those blind spots and notice what we see in others is potentially also in us can support us again to be the best leader of our souls. And the reason why this is coming up, I'm thinking of some people that have come into the coaching and the coach training. Who potentially see people and feel? You know, they're not they're not living up to the best selves. They're doing this wrong. They're doing that wrong or they're doing wonderful things. I wish I could be like that. And so, this coaching supports people to recognize. Perhaps that's something I need to work on. Or perhaps that's something I need to own and work with and again, bring out the best of myself so that then I can do the same for others. I hope that makes sense, Marie. What I'm, I'm sharing.
Marie Quigley: What I'm hearing is, you know, if we see something that we want in others, it lies within us. If we see something we don't like within others, it also lies with it within us because potentially we couldn't see it if we if it wasn't within us. But also, it's about stepping into what's important for us when we are in judgment of others, we are often in judgment of self which can keep us small. It can hold us back from being brave in the world. I'm thinking of some coaches who are doing some really brave work at the moment that are deciding to give up where they are living. They're moving to a new place in the world because it fits their values more. They're really choosing to live a life of fulfillment. And I'm also noticing others who are saying, you know, who am I to put my word out there? Who do I think I am to be able to share this work with the world? So, there's a lot of self-judgment going on. So, we've got one side who are being brave and probably self-judging, but taking a risk anyway and the others who are really self-judging, but also potentially judging others who are putting themselves out there. And they're in this conundrum of I've got to keep myself small. I mustn't shine, I mustn’t be bright, I mustn't put my poppy head above the other poppies. So, there's always a lot of thinking to do when you are stepping into self-leadership. It takes courage and with courage. We both know because we've done this a lot of times it takes vulnerability. And of course, being vulnerable is not a nice thing to be. So, we've got to tap into our resilience, I’ve said that word a number of times tap into it, its coaching jargon, but we've got to understand the patterns that we participate in ourselves in order to build our resilience and step into self-leadership.
Jeanine Bailey: Yes. Beautifully said, Marie so it really as leaders, we want to be able to identify those blind spots and potentially those blind spots are made up of those judgments that we make up about ourselves and potentially about others in the world and recognize that it's within us as well. What we see out there is also within us, whether it's looking with that perspective of bravery, vulnerability, courage or fear and wanting to step back. So, these wonderful skills of coaching really again through those questions and deep listening and reflecting back, we are like the mirror holding that up to the clients that we work with in a safe place to enable people to be vulnerable, to be brave, to be courageous and recognize that's what I'm making up about myself. That's what I'm making up about others. And actually, this is who I want to be as a leader of myself. And therefore, to be able to lead others, whether it's directly, because you've taken a leadership role or indirectly because you step into your power and you are someone who leads by example who then enables others to follow because you are living your best, most, bravest, most, perhaps vulnerable life, as you said, Marie, it's very uncomfortable to be vulnerable. But that's the space and place we all need to go to or been in or embrace if we want to be. Our most courageous, best self. And then the more we step into it, the more we realize this is, you know, this is the place of change and transformation. This is where I'm going to create beautiful AHAs and be able to again step up even more and step into, as you said earlier, or tap into resilience, Marie. So. It's a beautiful thing, I believe when we when we discover the place of vulnerability is the place of actually discovering who we really are and what it is that we truly want. And so, when we, when we reframe vulnerability in that way, it becomes actually a little bit easier to step into it will never be comfortable, but it's knowing that it brings out the best in ourselves.
Marie Quigley: Absolutely. Yeah. As you're talking today and I'm thinking of a couple of my brilliant clients, my leaders who are doing brave work. One in particular stands out as we're talking about this because he's actually trained in coaching skills as well. He saw the difference that coaching was making to him, and he decided I need to learn these skills. So, he became trained. But what he's also doing now with his team is stepping up into more and more bravery in his work. He's getting feedback and getting feedback, asking for feedback, getting written feedback, the stretches as well as the great things that are happening, the stretches. He is putting himself in the arena, as Brene Brown says to, you know, maybe be a bit sensitive. It might hurt some of the things that he's hearing back. There also will be because I know him, there will be beautiful, joyous things that he'll learn about himself and his stretches that he'll be offered will help him to uncover those blind spots that other people notice and practice being, doing in a different way that will enable him to lead his team and also have a ripple effect because he recognizes that he's a role model for the rest of his team. So, by being brave enough to go out there and ask for feedback and being open to listen to feedback, and that's the fabulous thing about coaching. It teaches you to sit with feedback, not to be defensive about it. So, he's this role model and it's going to have a ripple effect. So, his team then will be more open to receiving feedback, to getting curious with each other through open questions, through listening through all of those beautiful skills that we teach in our work.
Jeanine Bailey: Yes, thank you so much for sharing that story, Marie. And it just brings up just some wonderful memories of so many people who have done that brave work, people that we've met on our Coach Training, who go on to mentor and supervise, and we hear the wonderful brave journeys they've taken to be able to tap into their resilience there’s that jargon again that you mentioned to really tap into their emotions, their emotional intelligence and to dig deep to seek out feedback, to look at ways that they can bring out the best in themselves. I'm thinking of some wonderful people that I've coached recently on a marketing master's program, and they weren't expecting to do this work. So, part of the program. This marketing program was to also work with a coach. And so, it was completely unexpected for them to work with a coach, and they potentially had a judgment about what that might be. And they did not realize that they would be going on this deep journey to discover who they really are, what their purpose is, what their values are and how that connects to the work that they do. And how that supports them, not only in the work that they do, but who they're being as a father, a mother, a son, a daughter, a family member or part of a community or whatever, it may be just not recognizing, well, this work is so deep, and of course, it connects with what they do, who they're choosing to be on a professional level and a personal level. And really, I'm just thinking of one person that I worked with who. You know, it brought up such emotional stuff because it brought up the death of sister and how she has impacted their life and how she still impacts his life every day. But it's supporting them to reframe, you know what that means for them and how they can again lead their life in a way that. They know that the sister will also be proud of and appreciate I'm feeling quite emotional as I share this now because it was such this particular gentleman, it was such a powerful journey. So, this coaching journey it's not for the faint hearted. Let's say it's really for people who want to really step in to their courage and be the best leader that they can be. Knowing that it ripples out to all the areas of their life.
Marie Quigley: What a beautiful story, and I can see the emotion coming from you that connection to that other human being, that you're working with Jeanine. And of course, all our experiences influence who we are right now. Coaching supports us to understand that even more to unpack it. And also, as you rightly said, to reframe some of the things that have occurred and look at it, fresh eyes look at it with more empowering eyes. Look at it as a way to learn and grow. And, of course, hold on to those memories, those times that were deeply, deeply important and powerful in our lives and use them to motivate us to move into action because coaching is always even though we talk about the deep work we're doing. But coaching is always supporting us to move into the space that we truly want to choose. That could be actions. It could be not taking actions that so many things that coaching teaches us about ourselves. So, for those who are constantly taking action, sometimes it's about slowing down for others who are procrastinating, taking lots of time to make decisions. Sometimes the changes I'm going to shift again, I'm going to reprogram who I'm being in the world in order to totally and honestly move towards what I want to do. So, thank you for sharing.
Jeanine Bailey: Thank you, Marie. And you know, I'm actually reflecting on now the emotion that has come up and why that is so important in the context of what we're speaking about. It's recognizing that we are, you know, we are people, we are all people, and we bring in all the parts of who we are into all the spaces that we live in and potentially what some people do. And I know that we have Marie and hopefully not so much now as we continue to delay or ourselves is that we might hide some of those parts when we're stepping into the different parts of our life feeling that those parts aren't, you know, they're not meant to be here. And so, when we hide those parts, potentially they can play upon us and trip us up and sabotage us. Or we're perhaps not honoring a part of us that really wants to be heard and be experienced and to have a voice. So again, coaching and particularly supporting us as leaders is it's really understanding the different parts of us and what those parts really want so that we can step out into the world authentically embracing all of those parts, those naughty parts, those powerful parts, those quiet parts, those loud parts, whatever they may be. And so coaching can support those parts to come together to be integrated again so that we can live purposefully, mindfully, powerfully and also emotionally connected. So, and we know, Marie, there's still more delaying to do for ourselves. It's an it's a never-ending journey of mastery. So, but certainly when we're prepared, when we're ready to look at ourselves and to understand who we really are. That is when we can lead all of the parts of us and therefore our whole self in an authentic and powerful way.
Marie Quigley: Wonderful. So, listeners, if there's a part of you that wants to step into leadership, that wants to step into bravery, that wants to step into courage, but there's another part of you that doesn't want to be vulnerable that says, I can't be bothered to look at myself. I'm too scared to do that. It is going to create shifts in my life that I'm not sure I want. Invite all of those parts of you to the table. Find out who they are. Find out what they want. Get curious. Have a conversation with them because they have all have something to teach you about where you are in your life right now. And if you're only giving attention to the parts that say, I'm too scared, I'm not worthy. Who am I? And the parts that want to shine, they're not being heard. So, they'll keep coming back to you, tapping you on the shoulder, asking you, when are you going to be ready? Because actually, I want I want to be heard. I want the light to shine on me for a while. So, get curious about that and look at the cost. It is giving to your life when you only pay attention to the parts that want to keep you safe. Because actually, sometimes we kid ourselves from our own experience. Jeanine and I know we kid ourselves because we think what's keeping us safe is the right thing. But actually, we want to step into that freedom. We want to step into that bravery that is the most, safest place because that's who we are at our core, the best versions of ourselves.
Jeanine Bailey: Yeah, a beautiful call to action Marie. I love it. And as you were sharing this, I know what was coming up for me were us. As you know, those images of us, as little girls, those four-year-old girls who were quiet, shy, scared, timid, who had somehow, someway lost their voice. And so that comes to mind. And, you know, I think about who I was, you know, even as a young adult. I'm so, so glad that I took this journey to look at myself and discover who I am to be able to have a voice, to be able to do this podcast with you, to be able to be heard across the globe with the messages that we have that four-year-old girl. If she could see me now, she would have thought, what! So, we all have it within us to be able to bring out those parts that are really that we know deep down are really calling for us to be whatever that may be. And maybe we're meant to not have a voice, but we but through the work that we do, we have a voice through our work that we do that enables us to speak loudly so. So, listeners, thank you so much for taking the time to listen to what we've shared today. Marie, is there anything else that you would like to share before we sign off?
Marie Quigley: If you like what you heard and you think somebody might find some benefit of it? Please share it. Let's not keep what we know to ourselves. Let's spread the word. We want people to step into what they want to do. And if this podcast helps anyone remember who they are, please share it. If you like our work or if you don't like our work and you like to give us feedback, please feel free to do so. We are here to grow and expand ourselves. You can find our blogs, our website or YouTube channel and our podcasts wherever you go on social media. Thank you for listening. We really, really appreciate the gift of your time.