Co-founders of Empower World
Marie Quigley: Welcome to another episode of Empower World, the coaching and leadership podcast. My name is Marie Quigley and I'm here with the wonderful Jeanine Bailey. Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon. Jeanine.
Jeanine Bailey: Covering all the bases and yes, it's my evening here and good morning to you, Marie.
Marie Quigley: Good morning. Well, before we came on this call, we were running through our list of topics, our never ending list of topics. And today we decided to look at something that happens in a lot of coaching sessions where you find that as we're listening in, as mentors to the recordings where the coach is working really hard to support the client to get somewhere or achieve something, or perhaps take them down a route, maybe that they don't even want to go to. So, the desire to create maybe transformation, maybe the coach goes in with a desire or an agenda for something magnificent to happen in the session, and you can see them trying, I’m almost moving my body as if I'm dragging the client with me to create something. So, we thought we'd do some reflection on that and what we're noticing and maybe share some tips on how to maybe let that go in order to serve the client a bit more.
Jeanine Bailey: Yes, it's I heard a quote the other day, actually, which I shared with you earlier, Marie, which was and we absolutely are in alignment with this, this quote. And it is if you're doing the work for your client, if you're doing the heavy lifting, then you're not coaching. So, the heavy lifting is done by the client. They're the ones that do the work. They're the ones that are doing the reflection and going inside their heart mind body soul, whatever it may be for them to find their truth and find their way forward through the wonderful, powerful, thought-provoking questions that we ask, potentially very simple questions that we ask the clients. You know, it could be as simple as reflecting back what we're noticing and then asking what awareness we are creating. And as you do that, as you say that, as you feel that, so it really is the work of the coach is to support the client to do the heavy lifting. So, the metaphor that comes to mind as I've also started doing some personal training, physical training with a fitness coach as in not a coach like we are Marie, but as in, he would call himself a fitness coach. But he's really instructing me what to do and then I'm doing the work. I'm doing the heavy lifting.
Marie Quigley: Yeah, and it's so funny. It's a dilemma, isn't it? Because as coaches, of course, we want our client to create success. And many, many, particularly new coaches will say, well, why are they coming to me if I'm not doing anything? If I'm not, you know, doing this every session that they're leaving with something so transformative that you know, they have to come back again. And I think we've got to let go of that desire to perform to. Of course, the results are important to the client, but it's their results. So, our job is to get curious with them about what's happening as they aren't potentially getting those results, what's holding them back, what their patterns of behavior, what values are being stepped on or ignored so that they aren't achieving them or flip it around and find out what's missing so that they can move towards that. So, our job is to go deep either down or up, depending on how deep is to you and their job is to in that exploration is then to determine what they want to do with that information moving forward.
Jeanine Bailey: Yes, absolutely. And it is it is really the again as coach, the more we trust our client and we've shared this many times, if we trust that our client is naturally creative, resourceful and whole that they do have the answers inside and that if we allow them to do the work, that is going to be the most powerful way to support a client to be able to again be 100 percent responsible for the way forward, their truth, it is the most empowering way that we can support ourselves and our clients to be able to find their own answers. So, it's about again trusting, trusting the process of coaching, trusting ourselves and also listening to ourselves, as well as listening to our clients, listening to what's happening inside ourselves, because potentially we're picking up the clues from clients that they're being transmitted to us unconsciously and where our bodies are picking up that that information. And so again, if the word still comes to mind in terms of being with your client, being fully present and getting out of a head, trying to find the solution and again trusting the process that the client will find their way forward, it's not going to be easy. It's potentially going to be challenging. And it should be because that's what we do as coaches we're challenging our clients to expand their awareness beyond what they currently are consciously aware of.
Marie Quigley: Absolutely. And it's also remembering that the coaching doesn't stop in the session. So, what we're doing is creating a catalyst, a new way, perhaps of thinking and being in order to create the doing and that doing may not come in the session that that process continues as your client leaves the room and thinks about the questions they've answered, thinks about their responses and potentially the ‘AHA’ comes when they're out living their life doing their stuff. So, if we can let go of that, that need to deliver. And I kind of sit up straight when I do that, I kind of, my body tenses when I think about delivery. So, if we can relax into our presence of being and support the client to do that, then we're going to have a much more fruitful dance between the two of us that's going to potentially lead to something you didn't even realize.
Jeanine Bailey: Yeah. And I'm glad that you brought up that the coaching doesn't end in the session. It really does continue. We continued, well, our clients continue to, you know, these connections in the brain continue to perhaps fire off until something is wired when something makes great sense or perhaps resonates powerfully. And. I'm doing a lot of values work at the moment with clients, and those values work often requires a lot of reflection, not only in the coaching session but also afterwards, because it's such a deep piece of powerful work that we can do with our clients. And so, I often hear from my clients when they come back about all of the AHA's, the sudden AHA's the awareness of, oh ah, that's why that happens or why. That's why that I've experienced that. Or, you know this is what's going to support me to live my best life. So, it is the type of work that we do. It is not going to potentially always happen that group, aha, that awareness in the session, it is potentially going to be post the session.
Marie Quigley: Yeah. And certainly, if you think of yourself coaches, when you're going into a session, if you're revved up, I rarely bring a pen and paper in, but I've got one beside me. If you've got the pen and paper and you feel like, OK, today's going to be amazing, that's a wonderful intention. But you might need to kind of drop your pen and paper. You might need to drop your desire to be the most amazing coach ever, and you might want to do some present things so that you come inside of yourself. Because we are in the system with the client, we can support the client by becoming, by being inside ourselves and slowing things down a little bit to also do that so they can move from their top of their head thinking into their deeper processing because we can be that model for them. So, you might want to let some go of some of your desires and just be with a client and trust that whatever evolves. You are if you, especially if you're a trained coach, you are trained in the skills of getting curious with a client asking and thinking in a provocative way to support the client to create awareness. So, it's trusting the process of coaching that will evolve. Whether it's in the session, because it could be, you could get those magnificent aha. But you're more likely to get them when you don't try to get them.
Jeanine Bailey: Yeah, absolutely. And so, coaches, if you notice when you are coaching and you find that you're getting tight about something or you're you are looking for that aha, if you notice that you are seeking something instead of letting go and being at peace, being at one, being present with your client and trusting the client, then then potentially you're doing the work if you notice that you're asking leading questions. Then you're potentially aiming to do the work for your client, you're aiming to lead them to where you believe they need to go. So, if you notice that it's about just perhaps breathing, grounding, taking a moment and again using those powerful questions, clean, potentially clean questions of know what's happening right now? What awareness are you creating right now? Checking in with the goal, whatever it may be. Where are we right now? So, getting curious with your client right there and then in the moment versus leading out into the future. So.
Marie Quigley: Wonderful, thoughts, reflections and comments about how we can do this work in a different way. So, we're going to encourage you to experiment if you feel that desire. Just welcome it and say thank you for being here, desire, you want to be the best coach possible. And now just move out of the way and let me be present so that I can get curious with my client. Experiment. Test it out. Find out what works for you and your style of coaching. Meet your clients where they are and trust the process and see what happens.
Jeanine Bailey: Yeah. And ask your client what is needed right now in this moment. That's another wonderful way to again take it back to the client. So, coaches, we trust that you found great value in this podcast. We'd love to hear your comments and please share and like because again, mission is to spread our knowledge as master certified coaches to be able to support the profession of coaching. So, thank you for listening.